When wisely and effectively done, networking can be a powerful tool. Simply stated, good networking enhances existing relationships and forms new ones. It is always a two-way proposition that benefits all involved.
In multiple gatherings recently, I’ve witnessed various styles of networking, including some that felt like an intimidating pushy-hardsell-pounce. I’ve been reminded, again, that for some, networking is misused, misunderstood and self-defeating. Certain networking behaviors can make us feel exploited, push us away, and make us want to hide. Be they inexperienced, overly enthusiastic, desperate or clueless, insensitive and tactless, we seek to avoid “those people” whenever possible.
Networking is not direct sales. Appropriate networking will generate goodwill, relationships, trust, resources, and support. Let’s take a look at just a few general and costly “don’t” types, and consider more successful behaviors. Some think simply meeting more people is effective networking, so they flit around town, or circle the room, rapidly spewing their sales spiel, giving out and collecting the most business cards at events. They assume everyone wants the services or products they offer. By doling out cards, they believe they’ve made good contacts and business will automatically follow. But most of those business cards actually end up accumulating dust or in the trash, either because you can’t remember them… or maybe because all you can remember is they shoved their card and their spiel in your face.
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Some are incapable of conversation beyond their sales commercial, while others may be loud, have an air of superiority, interrupt, monopolize conversations, or become argumentative, defensive and arrogant if questioned. You may encounter those who make a good initial impression before learning they also make excuses, criticize and do minimal – if any – work. They are interested only in what they can get, not in giving or being part of a team, but just the same, their goal is to share benefits of your network. Others take on too much at once, scattered, having no focus. Some are inexperienced or shy, and their mustered courage yielding only starts and stops dissolving into fear and giving up.
Whether we treat it as such or not, all of life is networking in some form. Most people attend both business and social events to connect with others, to create or nurture relationships. It’s often important to accept invitations, and it’s just as important to decline if it’s not a fit with priorities or when it is something or someone you truly dread. What is your objective? Who do you want to meet? How and what can you contribute?
It may sound simplistic to say remember the basics of proper etiquette, but not everyone does. Present a positive attitude. Make positive contributions. Arrive early or at least on time, especially if you are shy or inexperienced. It’s easier to avoid cliques and have calmer conversations with people as others arrive. Be well groomed and appropriately dressed. Be polite, courteous and aware. No one should be treated as “invisible”; you never know who might prove influential in your life.
Generally, people prefer to be around, and do business with, people they like and trust. Engage people; smile, be approachable, make eye contact, generate a conversation with a comment or question. Build rapport. Actually talk to people, learn their names, really listen, learn something about them, be interested in them. Ask non-invasive questions about who they are, not merely what they do, something other than “all business.”
Networking does not guarantee immediate results. Build relationships on mutual trust and respect. Allow discussing products and services to evolve naturally; results will come in time. When you feel you’ve learned enough to want to continue to get to know someone and to nurture the relationship, don’t assume they want your card. Exchanging cards does not create a relationship. Be respectful. Ask permission: “may I give you my card?” In giving your card, you are extending a bit of your trust and reputation; consider it a privilege.
Follow up; without trying to “sell” them, thank people for their time. Offer appropriate help and tips, without expecting a return; be a resource, including referrals to others who may be responsive or helpful. Be mindful of the adage “people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care”. Use social media prudently, cautiously, the same as if face-to-face. Don’t mislead or abuse your contacts. It’s just as important to build good relationships online.
Building credibility and trusted relationships takes time, and can be harder for some professions, and some personalities, than others. Not everyone is a natural, and even the best networkers sometimes make mistakes; the key is to learn, and to appreciate the opportunity to support others. We’ve all been the “new person” so be sensitive to and befriend others, introduce them to people, offer your help and support so they become more comfortable.
Your networks speak to your credibility and reliability. When done appropriately, networking can lift spirits, increase efficiency and accomplishments, and develop satisfying relationships. It’s simply people relating in supportive ways, contributing personal or business services, sharing skills and strengths. It’s a powerful tool for all areas of life. Be gracious. When you receive the support or endorsement of others, it is an honor, so be appreciative. Saying “thank you” never goes out of style.
Utilize resources wisely with an open mind; express your appreciation and show consideration to others, no matter who they are. There is always more to people than initially meets the eye, and people remember thoughtful people. Connecting with others, kindly sharing ideas and resources, supporting and encouraging each other, is an ongoing process that bridges our personal and professional lives. When the focus is on building relationships rather than the hard sell, the benefits will be far greater.
