Bogotá as bumper sticker

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Why are there no bumper stickers on cars in Bogotá? The thought seed wanders idly into my mind, germinates and takes hold like Japanese knotweed, sparking a small survey of bumper-sticker culture in Colombia’s capital. The results are disappointing. Most of what I find are ‘For Sale’ stickers and the ubiquitous ‘How Am I Driving?’ message on vans and buses that tempts you to call a number and recommend the driver for a career in stock car racing.

I begin to wonder if bumper stickers are actually illegal. I consult with my lawyer: Is there a law against bumper stickers in Bogota? “What exactly do you mean by bumper sticker?, he asks, his very question suggesting cultural rather than legal factors at play.

So I explain that before Twitter we had to find other ways to deliver our opinions as one-liners. Such as printing them on stickers stuck on our cars. “And then what?,” he asks.

“Well, nothing much,” I reply.

“Except someone might wave at you or toot their horn if they agree. You might even encounter like-minded people while waiting in a traffic jam.”

His eyebrows rise a quizzical fraction. “And if they don’t like your message?”

He has a point. In a country not ready for it, putting “Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you’re an idiot” on your car might be taken the wrong way. Certainly the sticker showing a gun and “Keep Honking, I’m Reloading” risks an over-reaction, and not all will see the irony of “Mafia Staff Car” slapped on your Fortuner.

Appealing to civic pride could be a gentler – and safer – way to kick-start bumper stickers in Bogotá. But what to say? I poll my office colleagues: give me the city in one word. The replies are not inspiring, “dirty, congested, cold, tiring,” being the adjectives of choice, topped by a plaintive “this place just wears you out…”

I turn to guide books. Surely they have a few nice words to say? Several mention that Bogotá is the ‘Athens of South America’ but are not clear why. Perhaps they mean similar traffic but without the Parthenon. A few years back, the city’s radio stations asked people to vote for a city slogan, the winner being ‘Bogotá – the Cultured City’ (to which I cannot help think “yeah, like bacteria” and have this mental image of an urban blob mutating across a petri dish of Andean uplands). Runners-up included ‘Bogotá – the City of Education’ and ‘Bogotá – City of Development.’ These will not look good on the car bumper.

Much better is the Mayor’s motto Bogotá Humana, (Human Bogotá), which captures the essence of resilient human spirit, survival against the odds that characterises the city’s gritty streets. The only flaw is its association with politics and Bogotá’s on-off Mayor Petro. And as a matter of principle I could not stick a slogan on my car that is also plastered on the side of the council tow trucks that circle the streets like sharks looking for another victim for the car pound.

Then, on a whim I run Bogotá Humana through Google translator (Spanish to English) which throws up ‘Human Johannesburg.’ I sit there stunned. What ghost in the Google algorithm translates Bogotá into a South African city? Spurred on by this cosmic connection between the two mega-cities I set out to see how Jo’burg fares in the world city branding stakes. After all, most of us of a certain age fondly remember the catchy Eddy Grant anthem to the city ‘Give Me Hope Joanna.’ In 1988 it was world-wide hit (but promptly banned by the party-pooping apartheid regime in South Africa).

Post-apartheid, things are still not rosy for Jozi. Its most recent motto is the rather tepid ‘Johannesburg – A World Class City’, but even this so angered one resident (a Mr Haywood) he officially complained to the Advertising Standards Authority claiming that actually “the city I live in is a festering cesspit.” Amazingly he won – the campaign’s radio ad was suspended.

So what does work? The fact is that with great city slogans you don’t need to look them up. You already know them. Love London, Love Life. What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas (along with a large quantity of your cash). New York, the City that Never Sleeps. In fact New York is the city most featured in popular songs, has the most recognised nick-name (the Big Apple) and most successful logo, the ubiquitous ‘I Love New York.’

The ‘I love’ logo, first sketched out in 1977 on the back of an envelope in a Manhattan cab (the original is now in the city’s Museum of Modern Art), is one of the most imitated designs with car sticker derivatives proclaiming love for everything from sushi to pit bulls to hamsters to Dracula to zombies to manatees and applied to places such as Hong Kong, Devon, Madrid, Washington DC, England, Mexico, Australia, Los Angeles, well at some point in the last few decades just about everywhere really.

And Bogotá? The ‘I Love Bogota’ logo is marketed on mouse pads, tea mugs, T-shirts and, yes, you can even buy Yo Amo Bogota car stickers online, but they have so far failed to take the streets by storm, perhaps because people in Bogota do not have the habit of sticking anything on their car. Maybe also because Bogotá is not that lovable. Respect – yes. Admire – almost. Fear – frequently. Love – actually no.

But looking back at New York in 1977, when the ‘I Love’ logo first hit the streets in an attempt to boost tourism, the Big Apple was having a rotten time; bankrupt, gripped by a crack cocaine epidemic, electricity black-outs, looting and rioting. Somehow it pulled through. Then in the aftermath of 9-11 there was a resurgence of the ‘I Love NY’ logo as the city got back on its feet.

In Bogotá we can do the same, first getting the slogans and logos out of the hands of politicians and onto cars. So, I present to you my first attempt at a Bogotá bumper sticker. It is already on my car (and bicycle), but please feel free to cut along the dotted lines below and get some sticky tape and stick it on yours, or if you don’t have one put it on someone else’s (best get their permission first). So come on, show the love. Maybe it will stick.

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